Self-Portrait Idea

I've been thinking about this project on and off since I first talked to a student, who was taking the class last fall. She was talking about how the great thing about it was that it's all you. There's no partner influence/interference, no equipment stipulations, no necessary methods to incorporate; it's just you telling about you however you see fit.

That being said, I had to pick the part of myself that I want to put into a film. That was a really difficult decision--I'm actually very private and guarded about my personal life. As a matter of fact, I've been doing B-GLAD panels for four years--basically it's an opportunity for people undergoing sensitivity training to hear from real, live gay people and ask them questions--and I've never once told my coming out story to that group. Those people really want to hear it, but I just can't bring myself to tell the story. I've cryptically written poetry about it, I've alluded to some of the unpleasantness, but I think I've only told the whole story--from beginning to end--one (maybe two) time(s).

So, I thought, and I pondered, and I waffled about what I would share with the class. Eventually, I couldn't think about anything, but Caitlin and the life that we're making together. Maybe it was because of Shannon's film in class, or maybe it's just because with graduation looming most of my decisions being about what we're going to do together.

With all of these things on my mind I actually managed to get enough clarity to write the piece that I'm building my portrait out of.

The Rest

When I was 17
My father almost died
One doctor scared him
He didn't want to see another
I cried & Mommy begged
The surgeon said he should've died

When I was 17
I broke my mother's heart
I broke my mother's heart
And my father's heart
And they broke mine
And then I broke my girlfriend's heart

When I was 17
My girlfriend held me
My parents were in the hospital
And I was with her under their roof
She was making up to me
For what she did when I was 16

When I was 17
I snuck over to her house
My father forbade me to see her
I was just going to say goodbye
I held her tight
I told her I loved her

When I was 17
I met Caitlin
A month after heartbreak and goodbye
I met Caitlin
And I saw colors again

When I am almost 23
I will look back at 17
And I will smile
A bittersweet smile
And think
When I was 17
I met my wife

Never mind the rest

I want to build images out of old photos that my grandmother took of my family. I'm going to use photoshop to manipulate them to suit my purpose. I plan on having the words of the poem appear at the bottom of the screen in my handwriting.

In addition to the regular assignment, I have 2 stipulations: (1) No Music, and (2) I can't be in it. I'm totally good with not being in it. I'm not comfortable enough with a Sadie Benning style direct address. I really don't much care for being on camera at all. Since some of the photos I'll be using will include me at various stages in my life, I'm thinking I'm just going to either cut myself out completely or just put myself on a different layer and diminish my opacity. As for the music, I'm strongly considering having the film be entirely silent.

I'm also planning to capture some new images featuring the 35mm still camera, and probably some actual motion picture footage with a video camera. I think I'm mostly going to follow my girlfriend around--get images of her cooking, painting, studying, playing on the computer, waking up, etc. She's been telling her mother that I'm basically going to stalk her with the camera...