You Inside My Mind

So, I'm working on a new project.

I've been writing incomplete letters/poems since early November for this piece that I'm calling "You Inside My Mind". It's a direct address piece inspired by the self-portrait assignment from the class that begat this blog. Currently, there are 7 incomplete pieces.

While, these are called incomplete pieces, they are technically complete (follow me). I've been writing poetry for a very long time. I've written all of these pieces about my parents, myself, and most importantly girls. For whatever reason, I've never been able to complete anything that's about my current partner--I actually had this amazing piece started on a napkin about a beach trip that we took that came pouring out of me as I walked back to campus from church (yeah, this was quite a while ago), but I lost it and haven't been able to recapture it.

The overall feel of this piece is going to be ethereal and clustered. I basically plan on recording these pieces in my voice and have them fade in and out of images of Caitlin and our apartment, etc. I'm also planning on recording some improvised guitar playing in the background that will give the feel of someone trying to write a song and not being able to get it right.

My plan is to have this completed by February. After I get this together I think I will be in a place that I can revisit "The Rest" and fix the timing issues.

What I Learned

There is not enough space on the interweb for me to write about everything I learned in this class. I can only hope that this post begins to express my gratitude and my joy.

Things I learned:

1. I love experimental film. I love thinking experimentally, I love showcasing the medium I'm working with--video, film, whatever! I love making films that are by me, about me, for me. I love putting my thoughts into my films, I love being able to take things other people say and make them into what I mean. I love being able to tell the whole world, who I am now, without ever being in front of the lens or uttering a single word. I love that I can take an idea, write it down, execute it, and show it without a producer or director or screenwriter or actors (professional or not).

2. Community isn't just gay. We have been so fortunate this semester. I know a lot of us only wanted to work with the people we know--just like every other film class--because we know what we can expect. That first assignment brought us all so close together. I feel like I know you all--some better than others--and I appreciate you all in your own special way. Some of you surprised me (Haley Ray, Ian, Kristin, Kristina, Megan, Ben, Laura C.); some of you were exactly, who I knew you were, amazing (Royce, Cass, Laura M.); some of you were so much fun (The Wonder Triplets, Nate, Kyle, Ben, Royce, Megan, Dana), and some of you really inspired me (Michelle Byron-like the poet, Barrett). I feel so fortunate to have experienced you all, and to have worked with most of you. I am still yet to work with Michelle, Barrett, Kyle, or Royce, but hopefully the stars will align just right, and we will have our chance.

3. I am one of the experimental people, and a faithful Silvanite.

Playing Catch Up

Film Festivals.

Ok. So, I've never submitted to a festival before. In fact, I've only submitted a film to the end of the semester screening once--not counting the ones that I've been forced to submit for a grade. Oddly enough, the film I submitted to the end of the semester screening was an experimental found footage project for my editing class. To be honest, most of the work I've produced for classes isn't festival grade, but I feel like I'm getting there now. I think with the proper amount of reworking, I could send out my Self-Portrait--and thanks to that assignment I'm working on another similar film that I should be done with in a few months (keep checking this URL for details). I would also love to see Kristina send out our beautiful music video, and I would keep working on refining our installation if Cassandra wanted to see how we could turn it up to 11 and do something with it.

That being said, it only took 2 Shannon classes, 3 Andre classes, and a really amazing Experimental 302 class to really make me think about sharing my work. Thanks, to all parties mentioned. I would read the next post for the proper thanks though.

Tongue Tying Shorts

So, I dragged Caitlin out for some short films on Thursday night (the one with all of the S's). I think the coolest thing about it (besides sitting in front of a really awesome lady) was that she actually enjoyed some of it. The Screen Gems logo spoof actually filled her with real rage (we can't even talk about it without her getting red in the face), but she really like God of Love (more on that later) and Regular Kids (Go Pack!).

God of Love was by far my favorite film of the night. As the film reached its conclusion, it hit me that the filmmaker was also the star and the writer/director (before the credits rolled). I'm not really sure what the hint was that set off the alarm in my head, but I just remembered thinking it as the camera lingered on a close up of the filmmaker/protagonist. That movie kicked so much ass, and I recommend that everyone, who has ever taken a breath, should see it--even if it was narrative ;).

Elsewhere (another MFA project) was also really interesting. I'm still not really sure if I enjoyed it though. I think for people, who live in Greensboro and know more about the location it may have been more rewarding. I'll have to file this in the rewatch category.

The other most memorable film we watched was Regular Kids (shot by our very own Glenn Pack). It was really quite good. It was a very heartwarming mainstream family friendly movie (adjectives, much?). The fact that it was a true story made it even sweeter--plus, Caitlin actually enjoyed it, and that meant it was an awesomely joint experience.

I wish I could've seen some crazy cool experimental or documentary shorts, but the conference beckoned--it was awesome. I did get to do some cool film studenty stuff while I was there. Andy and Matt showed up to get some footage of Sara Issacson for their 495 so, I got to help out a bit (Food Not Bombs family and all that). I even made them both stay and listen to Annise Parker speak--it was amazing and moving, just ask him.

Cucalorus

So, my last Cucalorus at UNCW, and I'm seeing more screenings than ever before--don't get too excited I'm just seeing a block of shorts. Since I will be shooting all day Thursday for 495, and spending my weekend in Greensboro for the Equality NC Conference and Gala (my last one of those as well).

When I was taking 302 Doc with Shannon last year (it feels like it's been 10 million years and it's only been 1), while everyone else was gushing about the awesome films they saw, I was gushing about how State Senator Julia Boseman hugged me. Awesome? Yes, I think so.

Cool Stuff I Came Across

Caitlin saw this and I thought it was pretty appropriate for what we've been working on. It's a pretty cool take on the whole Self-Portrait concept.

Living My Life Faster - 8 years of JK's Daily Photo Project from JK Keller on Vimeo.

Also, on the same day my group went out our music video shoot, my friend, Josh, at UNC Charlotte was doing the same thing. When I told him we were shooting on Super 8, he showed me a film he did on Super 8 a while ago.

sleep. from Yates on Vimeo.

Art House Reading

I'm not surprised we were assigned this reading. The course theme of community rears its head again in Alvin's article.

These microcinemas are not just venues to watch films; they are nourishment for the brain and essence. The conversations about the film are just as important as the experience of watching it as well as the actual film itself.

I found myself chuckling out loud about the irate audience member, who demanded a discussion following a screening. That particular portion of the reading reminded me of Kreul's Modern class. I remember some films where the class would just burst into yelling and debate after a screening--ask Laura Murphy if she's sympathetic to the Palestinians sometime :-p.

So Behind!

Ok. So, I've missed a few blogs, and that's not so good.

What'd I miss?

Music Video Role and Shoot Experience

I am the catch-all crew person--we have lovingly dubbed me the OSB (extra points if you can comment with the translation for this abbreviation). On set, I was the dolly grip, the measurer, part-time shoe positioner, part-time actor, and full-time humorist. I was pretty certain going in that I was going to be a go-getter/work horse, and I was good with that--it's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

The shoot was awesome. We went out 2 different days (Wednesday during class, and Saturday from 3-5:30). Lighting was probably our biggest concern. Laura Murphy (DP) has experience with Super 8, and she told us how much light the film likes to have so, we were doing our best to make sure that we would be adequately exposed.

Kristina has an awesome idea for the song that we got. She wanted to focus on shoes. So, we took footage of feet (mostly Kristin's) in different shoes. In addition, we took some nature shots--so as to build a scenery for our traveler.

Love This

My mom's best friend sent me this and I think it's brilliant. I think this should be the example teachers use when teaching about conducting the interview and the importance of the way in which you ask a question.

Experimental in the Mainstream

I started out looking for that commercial with the stop motion animation--the one where the girl is flying through the sky except you can tell she's lying on her back and they're moving the stuff around her. I like it. It makes me smile because people can do that in their basement and it's whimsical.

Anyway, being that it's October (read: the greatest month of the year) I decided to find something baseball based. So, here goes. This one's for you, Laura.

Self-Portrait Idea

I've been thinking about this project on and off since I first talked to a student, who was taking the class last fall. She was talking about how the great thing about it was that it's all you. There's no partner influence/interference, no equipment stipulations, no necessary methods to incorporate; it's just you telling about you however you see fit.

That being said, I had to pick the part of myself that I want to put into a film. That was a really difficult decision--I'm actually very private and guarded about my personal life. As a matter of fact, I've been doing B-GLAD panels for four years--basically it's an opportunity for people undergoing sensitivity training to hear from real, live gay people and ask them questions--and I've never once told my coming out story to that group. Those people really want to hear it, but I just can't bring myself to tell the story. I've cryptically written poetry about it, I've alluded to some of the unpleasantness, but I think I've only told the whole story--from beginning to end--one (maybe two) time(s).

So, I thought, and I pondered, and I waffled about what I would share with the class. Eventually, I couldn't think about anything, but Caitlin and the life that we're making together. Maybe it was because of Shannon's film in class, or maybe it's just because with graduation looming most of my decisions being about what we're going to do together.

With all of these things on my mind I actually managed to get enough clarity to write the piece that I'm building my portrait out of.

The Rest

When I was 17
My father almost died
One doctor scared him
He didn't want to see another
I cried & Mommy begged
The surgeon said he should've died

When I was 17
I broke my mother's heart
I broke my mother's heart
And my father's heart
And they broke mine
And then I broke my girlfriend's heart

When I was 17
My girlfriend held me
My parents were in the hospital
And I was with her under their roof
She was making up to me
For what she did when I was 16

When I was 17
I snuck over to her house
My father forbade me to see her
I was just going to say goodbye
I held her tight
I told her I loved her

When I was 17
I met Caitlin
A month after heartbreak and goodbye
I met Caitlin
And I saw colors again

When I am almost 23
I will look back at 17
And I will smile
A bittersweet smile
And think
When I was 17
I met my wife

Never mind the rest

I want to build images out of old photos that my grandmother took of my family. I'm going to use photoshop to manipulate them to suit my purpose. I plan on having the words of the poem appear at the bottom of the screen in my handwriting.

In addition to the regular assignment, I have 2 stipulations: (1) No Music, and (2) I can't be in it. I'm totally good with not being in it. I'm not comfortable enough with a Sadie Benning style direct address. I really don't much care for being on camera at all. Since some of the photos I'll be using will include me at various stages in my life, I'm thinking I'm just going to either cut myself out completely or just put myself on a different layer and diminish my opacity. As for the music, I'm strongly considering having the film be entirely silent.

I'm also planning to capture some new images featuring the 35mm still camera, and probably some actual motion picture footage with a video camera. I think I'm mostly going to follow my girlfriend around--get images of her cooking, painting, studying, playing on the computer, waking up, etc. She's been telling her mother that I'm basically going to stalk her with the camera...

Plan for Assn #1

It feels so strange to wrap up this project--I've lovingly named it The Longest Ice Breaker EVER.

Dana and I listened to our soundtrack and took notes. We obviously listened to it in class too, but we wanted to really listen to it to gain some kind insight into an emotion or underlying story. We finally broke the sound into 3 acts--how narrative, I know!

Act I (The Prelude):

She (our 16-year-old protagonist) is out on the street. Dusk is approaching. She walks near shops and buildings. Others are not out on said street. The 6 PM bell rings in the distance. Night is falling. She's a man with a flower (he's not very charming or articulate, but she's bored and curious).

Act II (The Liaison):

The protagonist and the stranger go somewhere private for the night. Sex ensues.

Act III (The Epilogue):

She emerges back onto the street. The night is fading into day. Everything is normal.

We will present this story through manipulating the images (think animation-light). We are mostly adding color and filters to the images or class so masterfully captured and doing some fun things like making the pay phone dial itself.

Assignment 1b Reflection

The most important thing I learned from Assignment 1b is that Kristin is awesome. I was a little concerned that we weren't going to have a ton of fun together, but I was sorely mistaken. Our macabre little foray into the slaughter of farm animals was mostly her idea--I merely provided her with options and manipulated cool sounds to help us meet our goal of causing the class to cringe for just a moment.

My favorite sound was the thud that we sped up, slowed down, and repeated to serve as the chop of the knife. It was really rewarding when we put that moment together and listened to it. I felt incredibly accomplished after we listened to the soundscape all together.

I really wanted to create a complex soundscape that presented various interesting sounds. I feel that sometimes soundtrack projects like this only focus on the immediate sounds leaving little to glean from the fore and middle grounds—to put into visual art terms. I would have felt unfulfilled if I presented such a soundscape for workshop. I really think Kristin and I did a great job creating a soundscape that gave the class a lot to listen to, and also gave a very visual experience without any sort of visuals.

Light Observation #2

My Apartment: Midnight

· 3 tungsten lights (2 overhead fixtures, 1 floor lamp)

o 1 goes out; the sunroom is in shadow

§ Lamp light spills over the threshold (only a little)

· The far corner is ironically lit (there is a turned off lamp there)

o The lamp’s shadow is slightly to the left

o The hall is lit the brightest (newer bulb)

§ Light trickles all the way to the front door

· The door is getting lit from the hall & family room lamp

· The two computers and 1 TV

o The computer lights Anna’s face as she reads

o Caitlin is lit slightly; the duct tape gets more light (she’s packaging books)

§ Her glasses show the screen’s reflection

§ Her legs are lit by the lamp (she’s closest to it)

· My notebook is in her shadow

o I think my right side is partially lit by the lamp

· All the lights converge on the black semi-gloss coffee table

Inspiring Photos

Ok, so I know that we are supposed to choose 2 photos, but I'm going to go a little overboard--bear with me, please. All four of my photos were taken by Leslie Feinberg (read: my hero). She is a writer/activist for workers and the Queer Movement that has since suffered some severe health problems that turned her toward photography--as it is less taxing than writing scholarly articles and speaking at venues nationwide. Feinberg's photos are for the most party very political and tend to feature protests/parades, but the photos that I've chosen aren't political at all.

Screened-In_Sunset

The texture in this is really incredible. I also really like the light that's reflecting off of buildings.



Willow_Gentrified Tenement


I've always been drawn to photos that feature the contrast
between the organic and man-made.
The curves from the willow tree are starkly beautiful next to
the straight lines of the building.

Fence_Flowers Prevail



I feel like I can reach out and touch the fence,
and I would brush the petals with my fingertips.

Niagara Falls, first light


This is just incredible.
Words aren't enough.

Riegel Rd 6PM

The sun is setting. The tree tops are drinking light--spilling the tiniest drops onto bits of Spanish moss, bark, and (rarest of all) the ground. Sunlight kisses legs, profiles and metal (rims of glasses, bicycles, cars, etc.) No headlights yet. I can see my reflection and that of passerbys in the hood of the white car--as well as the movement on the street and the passing car on the road running perpendicular. The light reflects the brightest off of the metal loading dock in the distance--its doors are painful to look at. I can see the sun a little in between branches of the tree across the street. Its other side is the sole beneficiary of the direct sunlight; my side is engulfed in shadow.

Sound Assignment 1A

During the Assignment 1A workshop, I wrote themes for each sound library. My group’s theme was “aimless”. Of course, we had the assignment to guide us in collecting sounds, but we sort of just wandered around seeing what sounds we could collect and what sorts of things we could shake/drop/manipulate to make sounds that we thought would amuse the class.

I guess what I really learned from this assignment is to loosen up. I have a tendency to take my school work very seriously, and that often means that I forget to have fun in the field. Nate’s willingness to kick/shake things really helped me to remember that this stuff is allowed to be playful and fun.

I realize that this reflection should be more about what I learned about sound.

I think that forcing us to live without the visual will heighten my appreciation to sound. I began thinking intensely about sound during my Intro to Editing class last semester, but I didn’t feel like I really spent enough time on it—I was more immediately focued on getting aclimatized with Final Cut Pro. This part of the assignment—in addition to the second part—have really helped me think about sound and how useful it can be.

Sound Journal #2

My boss is clicking her knuckles on the table.
There is the clicking of mice and keyboards all around.
Veronica says something snarky so, I chuckle.
Anna sniffles as the printer hums as it gives Munashe the paper he needed.
A drawer opens and closes with a slick slide and soft thud.
Veronica retells a story she heard.
Apparently, the Chinese eat children
(Or wild cats, I can’t be sure)
The phone rings.
Someone is trying to reach Cathy, but she just stepped out.
My boss’s chair is clicking as she shifts her weight.
The assistant director’s sounds of toil are muffled by her wall.

Sound Journal #1

The landscapers are mowing the small patch of grass outside of my window just in front of the sidewalk.

The hum fades in and out as the mower gets closer and farther away from my window.

                                                         The ceiling fan cuts through the air

                                           And occasionally catches, clicking lightly.

Caitlin’s hair ruffles the pillow next me

My own hair returns the sound in kind

As I turn my head to follow the sound

                My cat knows that I’m awake

                                Can she hear my breathing change?

                                        She’s meowing in the office calling for food and attention

The sheets rustle as I fold them back to feed her

Reading Response #1

This week, we read two takes on Avant-Garde Cinema. One (MacDonald) took a historical perspective while Richter took more a theorist viewpoint.

MacDonald begins his article by prefacing what a typical response to Avant-Garde cinema is and pondering why that may be. It is true that more often than not, we are more exposed to "traditional" narrative cinema for most of our lives. This tends to make the journey into the world of experimental (and sometimes even documentaries) more jarring. We do have certain expectations of what a film should do--the most commonly stated of these expectations is "to tell a story". Therefore, sitting down to watch a film that may not have a universal, unilateral message/story/theme can be upsetting. You have to relearn to watch films--and in a culture that is so dependent on the media it creates, it can be disconcerting to find that you don't know as much as you think about movies.

Richter discusses what makes Avant-Garde cinema original. In order to drive his point home, he discredits narrative cinema. Richter says that narrative cinema is a combination of different art forms (literature/theatre) that ignores what makes it special, the camera. He argues that filmmakers like Eisenstein and the Neorealists of post World War II Italy did a much better job of using the camera to make original art rather than focusing on theatrical elements like symbolism and acting performances.

I would argue that Eisenstein is not the best example for his point. While Eisenstein is presently regarded as the epitome of Soviet Montage film and praised for his method, his contemporaries found him to be overly symbolic and theatrical. Eisenstein used actors (though non-professionals) to tell the stories of new Soviet Republic. I think that Vertov would've been a better example since he filmed actual workers in actual factories to glorify the "actuality" of the Soviet Union (MacDonald does mention him when discussing the amazing filmmakers of the early Avant-Garde.

Richter does make a point. Avant-Garde cinema is unique and it really does rely on the technology it was made on, but I don't know that it makes it more original than any other form of film making (or art in general). Narrative cinema can be beautiful and there are deft moments--if there weren't we wouldn't still be talking about the great moments in film, nor would we be studying it. Isn't every piece of art original simply by the merit that an artist is making something new out what was only previously raw materials and an idea?

Filmmaker's Manifesto

I began as a poet. If I end up an experimental filmmaker, I will have come full circle. I started writing poetry when I was nine-years-old--I didn't even know what poetry was, but I was writing it.

I think of myself first as a scholar then an artist, a writer, and (lastly) a filmmaker. While film is my medium of choice, I came to it last. All that I've learned about film--in a critical/production sense--I've learned at UNCW. That is not to say I don't love it; I'm obsessed with it. It's perfect, and it's potential is limitless.

While narrative can be amazing, it is also limiting and prohibitive by its very nature. The job of a narrative filmmaker--and even a documentarist--is to tell a story. While, one is often rewarded for innovation within the realm of film, there are still conventions that one must at least address, if not entirely follow. Experimental film does not present the same boundaries.

Anything goes.

One must not even use a camera in order to make experimental film thanks to innovations in technology and large archives of footage. Experimental film can truly be an experiment—whether someone is testing the limits of a new (or sometimes reinventing an old) technology or trying to express an emotion or set parameters to follow like writers do in warm-up exercises—it can be a visualization of a poem; it can provide an outlet for an emotion on is unable to put to words; it can be anything that the filmmaker needs it to be.

Experimental film is poetry.